When you’re with your partner, you both give it your all to ensure your sex is fire. When you’re apart, you occasionally look to porn to get you turned-on and help you rub one out in a hurry. My question: why haven’t you ever thought to combine the two experiences? Watching porn as a couple can be a great tool for fantasy inspiration, and while a lot of porn isn’t exactly ~realistic~, there are almost always some takeaways that can really help you heat things up in the bedroom. I know the idea of watching porn together can be hard to introduce, especially if you’ve never discussed it before, but once you get past the awkwardness of the suggestion, you’ll find porn just might be the game-changer you never knew your sex life needed.
I completely understand why finding the right porn for you and your partner to enjoy together can be complicated. If you’re bit shy, you might not love the idea of watching intense, BDSM-heavy porn on the big screen with your boo. If you struggle with body confidence, you might worry you won’t measure up to porn stars’ body types and amped-up sexual expectations. If you’re the jealous type, you simply might not like seeing your partner oogle another person, even if that person exists only on-screen. Not everyone loves every kind of porn, and that’s totally OK. Tailoring your date night watches to scenes you’re both comfortable with is a smart way to guarantee a good time.
All that said, choosing the right porn to watch together can turn you both on and give you fresh ideas on how to spice up your sex life. The mark of a porno well chosen? It’s so good, you end up eager to turn it off and get down to business—or, you just can’t wait and leave it on in the background! If either option sounds appealing, read on for a few tips on how to choose the right porn, together.
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1. Talk About It First
Maybe it’s as simple as asking, “What kind of porn do you watch?” Wording your question this way instead of opening with “Do you watch porn?” creates a safe space that acknowledges porn as OK right from the start. It’s good to find out what someone likes before you two settling in to watch. Does your partner like porn with a plot and plausible emotions, or do they have a thing for MILF porn, amateur stuff, etc. What do you like? Go back and forth and see if you have any fave categories in common.
2. Browse Together
If you really want to make your porn movie night into a full-on date, consider hitting up an adult store and choosing a film together. These days, adult stores have evolved way beyond the clichéd “sticky-floor stores” you might imagine. Step into a non-sketchy, high-end shop and find knowledgeable sales staff, quality toys and lubes, books, lingerie, an instructional section and more. Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone! Roam the shelves and look at things together. Maybe you each chose a movie and make it a double feature.
3. Look at Options Online
If that sounds sound realistic for you, you’re in luck: you don’t even have to leave your home thanks to the wonderful world of wifi! Tons of porn sites offer video on demand, or VOD, where you can pay per minute to watch movies or scenes. Other sites have clips that range from a few minutes to 10 or 20-minute scenes, available at the click of a button. Take turns picking, and for bonus points, let your lover know what draws you to what you watch—it’ll help them figure out what exactly turns you on. Just remember: please pay for your porn!
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4. Experiment
When you’re watching together, keep in mind that what you see is fantasy, but feel free to act things out or role-play along (consensually, of course). Experiment with emulating the positions you see onscreen that you might not normally think to do. Take turns giving each other oral sex while the other person gets to lie back and enjoy the view. Keep porn on in the background as you hook up, or use the scenes as foreplay and see how long you can both go before you need to get your hands on one another for real.
5. Set Expectations
If at any time, you don’t like what you see onscreen, find it offensive, are uncomfortable, or anything like that, agree beforehand that either of you can just say the word and the movie/scene gets switched or turned off, no questions asked. Boundaries matter, people! On to the next clip, one that gets you feeling great.
6. Debrief
Make sure to talk afterward. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out inquisition, and you can wait until the steamy, sexy part of the night is over to bring it up—just check in with your partner and see what they did and didn’t like about what you watched. Maybe you’ll end up finding out things about one another that you didn’t know, and you can use this new information to further enhance your already-awesome sex lives.
A version of this article appeared in September 2017.
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