jueves, 24 de marzo de 2022

My Dream Job Gave Me Burnout & Leaving Saved Me

One of the most common buzzwords to arise from the global pandemic, burnout has become ubiquitous. Whether you’re a heroic medical professional or simply dealing with the stress of an endless set of changing circumstances, we’ve learned that the condition is wide-sweeping and affects people in different ways. When I first saw the word ‘burnout’ popping up in think pieces, memes and texts from my friends, I experienced an a-ha moment that helped me recognize my own fiery feelings. 

At the beginning of 2020, I was experiencing what people from the outside looking in might describe as a career highlight. I was the host of MTV Australia and the Editor of MTV’s Australian site. Days were spent interviewing the biggest stars in the world like Billie Eilish, Zac Efron, Margot Robbie and Chris Hemsworth; evenings were spent attending red carpet events. I had finished filming the reboot of MTV TRL, something I had dreamed of doing ever since I was a little kid.

Life was amazing and difficult. I was simultaneously kicking goals and low-key breaking down on the inside. I was overworked, underpaid, and operating on too little sleep. My work/life balance was non-existent and the pressure of being the best, getting the next great interview and working in a highly competitive media landscape meant that my personal relationships and health were suffering. I was grateful to be experiencing a career that so many people would enjoy and I never wanted to take it for granted, so I said yes to everything⁠—even when it came at the expense of my livelihood. I felt disconnected from my partner and I was drinking excessively to mute my feelings, which led to frustrations with myself for not doing better. I had reached my breaking point.

Instagram PhotoSource: Instagram

This house was burning down. And then, covid hit.

The pinnacle of my burnout and the global pandemic crashed into each other with spectacular force.

I was forced to take a step back and slow down. Celebrities stopped flying to Australia, production halted on all of my segments and the red carpets were packed away. The entertainment industry entered hibernation and my duties, the glitz and glamor quickly vanished. And finally, I could exhale. The pinnacle of my burnout and the global pandemic crashed into each other with spectacular force. And you know what? It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

With COVID raging on around me, I made the decision to step away from my role at MTV Australia. While I had absolutely no plan on how I was going to move forward and I was bloody terrified about what was to become of my career, I felt calm for the first time in years. My burnout taught me that I needed to reassess what I really wanted to do with my career. I was so stuck in the haze of the bright lights of MTV-land and the pressure to be the best that I had lost sight of what I enjoyed doing. But how could I figure out exactly what that was?

Instagram PhotoSource: Instagram

First, I slept for what felt like an eternity. I cut back on drinking (while still occasionally enjoying a lockdown glass of vino), and I was able to spend quality time with my partner. I started to do some very mind-numbing freelance work as a copywriter. My brain needed a minute to download, switch off and get away from the noise of hustle and achievement culture. Logging on each day to fit keywords into marketing copy for some regional air conditioning client was miles away from the dizzying heights of interviewing Timothée Chalamet, and yet it was exactly the therapy I needed. A little soothing massage for my strung-out brain, if you will.

After a year of my career hiatus, I was able to give myself time to de-stress (well, as much as a global pandemic would allow) and then get back to the drawing board. My burnout helped me to take stock of my values, my goals and what I really gave a fuck about. Slowly but surely I started to find my feet again—and this time I was careful to tread a path that served me well. I launched two podcasts (Vacay, The Baffle Club), started to work with incredible media organizations like Disney and E!, and I began freelance writing—focusing on stories that make me tick. I can finally say that after a break from the rat race, I’m back in a place where I feel really proud of the work and it’s not at the expense of my health.

While I absolutely do not recommend reaching the point of burnout in order to put things into perspective and give your career a new lease on life, I can definitely advocate for taking that leap of faith to walk away from something that isn’t serving you. In hindsight, I should have stepped down from my role at MTV Australia well before burnout and the pandemic combusted my world. But regardless, I’m so grateful for the lessons I learned and how they set me on the path I’m on now.

Will I ever return to the high-flying lifestyle of rubbing shoulders with celebrities? Who knows (I’m sure Timothée Chalamet misses me). But I’m damn sure I won’t be heading back to my burnout days. From this point on, I’m staying well-hydrated, moisturized, in my lane, clocking in 8 hours of sleep and doing what I love.

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